(no subject)

 do you ever just wake up in the middle of the morning, thinking about things that have been said to you. because here I am fully regretting how I never know what to say. I've never been well-versed in affections and I've barely any experience with my own emotions, aside from sadness  and emptiness. now that good things are happening to me, i don't know how to feel. or if they're good things at all. my mind has shortcutted into defense mechanisms, i guess, that automate the responses for me and it's hard to rewire.